I've never been so confused by my feelings in my entire life. Right now I feel like a mixing pot for all these different emotions and everything has suddenly become lost in translation. Which do I choose from - which would be the easier road ?
On one hand, it's ancient history repeating itself. Though I swore I'd never follow down that path again, I feel so helpless and powerless in my attempt to break away from the connection - it's almost like a magnetic force. We have both agreed that there will always be something between us. The timing is so wrong, the circumstances are even worse, and the way I may feel - or may not feel - makes everything so much harder to read. It's almost impossible to reach a conclusion or decision...for the both of us.
On the other hand, there's my comfort zone - otherwise known as the downfall of my adolescent life. Though I know him inside out, the atrocities and hurt he has caused by his reckless attitude and thoughtless actions is simply indescribable, almost unspeakable. He makes me literally sick to my stomach just thinking about the things he has said and done and yet, I find it absolutely impossble to break away from him and everything he is. I may not know how I feel about him, I may not be able to sum it up with any amount of words, but I do know I feel a solid foundation for everything he is to me; love. I hate him more than anyone can comprehend, yet I love him more than anyone can really understand, for reasons beyond myself. He is the reason to so many wrongs [and a possible right here or there] in my life. He is a massive chunk in my heart, and a massive chapter in my life. He is IT.
Oh, I've also decided to base my entire studio art folio on Alice in Wonderland, so I'll be uploading a few pieces.
